I don’t know how history will remember the Toronto Outpouring, but I know how I will remember it. It was the “mud” that Jesus took, spat on and applied to my spiritual eyes to change my view of God. I remember 13 years ago, how dry I was and how depressed and angry I was inside. Repeated disappointments and abandonment by friends, mostly Christians, had taken a heavy toll on my emotions so that my soul literally throbbed in pain whenever I drew a breath. I remember feeling like God must be punishing me somehow for taking a wrong turn, although I couldn’t figure out where. Why would God bless other pastors and not Bill and me? Why would He single me out to punish? I felt like a failure at “business as usual” in church. I was looking for a way out, so I wouldn’t do something else to disappoint God.
We went to Toronto half afraid that God wouldn’t be there and then afraid that He would be there and that we would be bypassed again. When Guy Chevreau approached us to pray for us, first He asked us, “What are your names?” “We’re the Fishes—and we’re really dry...” I replied, not really knowing what to expect.
“Well, then,” Guy prayed, “let the River flow.” He didn’t know that the word, “River” was a key word to us and that for eighteen years we had been waiting for something God had told us to wait for, something that would be called “The River” and “The Blessing.” The first manifestation I received was tears. Tears count as a manifestation when you have been as hopeless as I had been. Supernatural hope came into my heart that afternoon and that was all I needed. I wish I could have believed God all those years without seeing, but like Thomas, I was weak in faith. So Jesus used Toronto, a place that some have cast out as worthless, and anointed the ordinary people there to transform my view of God.
The hope I received was like a holy “mud pie” on my eye, I decided to keep washing in this place and see what would happen. The next evening I received prayer again, hoping for more. When Ron Dick, a happy prayer team member, reached out his fingers to lightly touch my forehead, I remember feeling a gentle force that wasn’t coming from Ron begin to nudge me to the floor. I yielded that night. I had what I know now was a vision in my mind’s eye of Jesus laughing over me.
“I’ve finally gotcha where I want cha!” He said. For over 20 minutes, I rested in His pure love, shocked that He wasn’t chastising me for how I had failed to grow the church.
Bill and I are coming up on our 14th year of rinsing our eyes in this “River.” Every time I have received prayer and in practically every message I have heard, God has clarified my view of who He really is. Each “soak,” has softened my heart so that I could see how much He really loves me. Somehow God has given me a lot of grace to keep the blessing in my heart. So I will always remember that when I needed my heavenly Father the most, He looked beyond my hurt and kept His promise. He is faithful, even when I am faithless. So if you are blind to your heavenly Father’s love, Honey, “Here’s mud in your eye!” Now go where He tells you and start rinsing it off.
Originally Published November/December 2007 Editor Melinda Fish
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